Night Eating

clock five minutes to midnight 5

Weird revelation: I’ve been finding myself hoping to get hungry again in a hurry after dinner. I watch the clock anxiously, wondering when the hunger will kick in, hoping it will.

I’ve always been a “night eater” (well, ever since I was old enough to sneak food) and I think there are several reasons. One was that night was simply the easiest time to sneak. Another was probably that I would skip breakfast so I could have a “bigger” lunch but I would be progressively hungrier throughout the day until finally, at night, I couldn’t hold in the feeling any more. And another is that whenever I’ve binged, generally, it’s started at night (following a restrictive, hungry day).

I think I’m “hoping” for night hunger (and not even realizing that’s what I’ve been doing) since I started IEing again because I have that fear of “there will never be more food, got to get it at night.” Most likely, that’s connected to “last suppers” (the binge the night before the next really restrictive diet), as well as skipping breakfast and having skimpy lunches that I pretended were normal size but were very obviously restrictive, which meant that as of dinnertime, I couldn’t look forward to REALLY eating again until the following evening…24 hours of near-starvation (or it felt like it) hunger.

So for now, I’m honoring it, though not bingeing. I want to convince both my body and my brain that there IS food there if I want it. I CAN have it. I hope, in time, this will mean I won’t need it any more…well, unless I’m honestly hungry.

 

You Like Me. You Really Like Me

Sally Field You Like MeOr maybe not. Maybe you’re just bored.

Whatever the case, I peeked back on here for the first time since 2013 (yes, really) and saw (gasp!) stats.

Who’s looking at this blog?

Come out, come out wherever you are!

Come out and eat with me. Because – that’s right – I’ve decided to give intuitive eating another try.

So far so good. I’m feeling amazing. I am trying hard to NOT diet…no matter what. During my previous attempt, I was secretly counting calories in my head…trying to not feel hungry because without a deficit, how would I lose weight…and so on. It’s different this time (I hope). I am literally trying to act – and eat – as if I don’t have a single pound to lose.

Let’s see how things go. I do know I woke up this morning and didn’t want to immediately go back to sleep. Hello again, energy! I have missed you. Had a GF waffle with syrup, an egg, a bite of apple and a couple of almonds. It was delicious. Lunch: peanut butter and jelly. Cooling in the fridge right now to semi-hardness (don’t ask, I’m weird).

So…I’m baaaaaaaaack! How are you? Speak up. I won’t judge. Given what an utter freak I am, that is just not possible. So drop me a line and say Hey.

Next post: Two books I recently read…and whether they did me any good, or fell flat as piss on a plate. You won’t want to miss it, I promise you!