Well, folks. What has Mel been up to?
Promising herself she wouldn’t weigh, weighing anyway, getting discouraged, trying to restrict, binging.
You know…all the things you’re NOT supposed to do if you’re practicing intuitive eating.
What else have I been doing? Sleeping. I haven’t mentioned this very much in this blog, but I have Hashimoto’s thyroidism (underactive thyroid due to an autoimmune issue; my body is attacking my thyroid tissue…hey, that rhymes, yar har, cough, oh never mind). I have been feeling quite badly since last October. I had my TSH checked in February, and it was within normal range (1.8…not great, but it shouldn’t have been kicking my ass so badly).
After that, I was confused…and disheartened. I decided to just try to live with always being tired. I’d complete a chore, sit down, complete another chore, lie down, finish the next chore, take a nap. And I’m not talking happy, lazy little naps here, either. I’m talking sobbing, I’m-dying, my-hands-are-too-heavy-to-lift tired.
Finally, the other week, I’d had enough and I had my TSH checked again. 4.9. Not good at all. I cried and begged my doctor for an increase in my Levothyroxine and she boosted me from 75mcg to 88mcg.
A few days later, I had bad thoughts. Very very bad thoughts. Thoughts like: Why am I alive if this is my life? I’m not living. I’m in a waking coma. I’d be better off dead.
So I called the doctor again.
She FINALLY (holy Jeebus, I can’t believe it) agreed to “more blood tests,” which I assume (or hope) mean T-3, reverse T3, T4 and all that. She sent my lab slip in the mail and I am waiting on pins and needles for this thing to come. I NEED help. Right now.
Meanwhile, I was reading up on autoimmune thyroiditis and the gluten-free topic came up again. I’ve dabbled with the idea before, but never for very long.
Meanwhile, I’m back to taking my Vitamin D, too. It’s all fuzzy right now, but it seems to me that I stopped taking it last summer-ish. That would make sense timing-wise for feeling shitty beginning in October (and the extreme weight gain I experienced starting then – 30 lbs. by January). Why did I stop taking it? I have no clue. But since I’m generally D deficient, I believe it’s possible that stopping the D has been part of the problem.
Wish me luck, folks.
And yes, I’m back to intuitive eating.