Too Many Bagels? No, Just Too Much Food

So yesterday I bought a package of Thomas’ Bagels.

Oh my GOD. Yes, I made the food-orgasm face. For real.

Oh my GOD. Yes, I made the food-orgasm face. For real.

And HOLY COW. After having gone from no bread, to gluten-free, to grabbing the crappy bagels at Ralph’s bakery (yes, this chain brand IS better than the store bakery’s brand, which is kind of a weird twist of events if you think about it), I absolutely, positively made the food-orgasm face I’ve described in the past.

It was SO GOOD. I wanted one right away. But I couldn’t have one because, you know, bagels are unbelievably calorie-dense, they’re fattening, yadda-yadda.

So I told myself I could have one the next day (today) and I ate my dinner and thought BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL and I had too much dessert and thought BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL and I went to bed and thought BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL and had two cookies instead (which must have been way more healthy…erm…).

This morning I thought BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL but I knew I’d miss my trusty Raisin Bran Crunch so I had that instead, and proceeded to think BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL all morning until 12:00 on the dot…when, hunger cues be damned (well, I guess I was a little bit hungry), I had tuna salad on a bagel. Finally!

And then I thought “now I can’t have another until tomorrow…it’s all over for another 24 hours” and I couldn’t stand it and I had another bagel. With butter this time.

Oh sweet Jesus BAGELS BAGELS BAGELS.

Oh sweet mother of pearl BAGELS BAGELS BAGELS.

I ate pretty far past satisfaction and I feltl like shit about myself.

And then I did something interesting. I actually looked at the calories on the package.

270. What? Is that all??? Here I was thinking, “I CAN’T eat bagels for more than once a day because they’re like 400 calories…or 600…” this latter based on an article I read once about deli bagels. Were they high? What the hell was IN those bagels, anyway? I wasn’t aware that there was a “Traditional Bagels Double-Dipped in Pig Lard” recipe out there somewhere.

But I digress. Here’s what I realize: If I had just buckled down and had a bagel for lunch AND for dinner like I wanted, and maybe one for breakfast, who knows, I’d have probably been a whole lot calmer, a whole lot more satisfied and I’d have eaten less food.

I wonder when the hell I’m going to get all this right. In trying to not have too many bagels, I had too much food. I think that’s kind of Zen, in a way.

Now excuse me while I go explode right out of my pants. But happily. Very happily.

You get the moral of the story. I should have just had the freakin’ bagel(s) when I wanted it (them).

Duh.

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