Now here’s something weird.
I have noticed that I try to eat more than I want to in fear of later “forgetting” that the leftovers are around, or that the food is in the cupboard.
My fear goes something like this: Oh no. I have to eat this NOW because if I forget to eat it later, I’ll never have that amazing, pleasurable experience of eating that food. It will be gone forever and I’ll never even know I missed it. An old friend will be gone, gone, gone and I will never, never see it again.
Now. My apologies to the sensitive (or at least semi-cultured) but…what the fuck?
First of all, does that “amazing experience” ever really happen? How often does one melt in practically orgasmic bliss over that bite of Hershey, like in the commercial? How many foods REALLY make us fall back onto the cushions, no longer able to support ourselves on our own for all the weak-legged, knock-down joy?
And in fact, I already know most of the foods I feel this way about will NOT produce that experience…because I’ve eaten them many times in the past, and all that oh-wow-I-could-die-happy-right-now shit NEVER happens. It just doesn’t.
Perhaps the most important part of this (for me) is the unbearably sad feeling I get at the thought of not eating the food. As if an old friend were going away for good. As if someone I loved had just died. I literally go on the verge of tears, and I’m not being melodramatic here.
Obviously this is something to look more closely at. For the record, this sad, depressed, panicked feeling pushes me to start meals before I’m hungry, too.
Freud would have a field day.