So yesterday was a lot of fun. I went to the kids’ Halloween parade at school, took them trick-or-treating in Glendora Village after school and then when night came, we trick-or-treated in our neighborhood. I am BUSHED! But it’s a “happy tired.”
Yesterday a friend of mine posted a picture of herself dressed as a gypsy, complete with a crystal ball. She looked terrific and I told her so. Then I joked, “I hope you’re predicting that I’m going to lose weight and win the lottery.” Her answer was that “money can’t buy happiness” and that it was within MY power to change my weight.
By the way, my friend is skinny and beautiful.
Okay, okay, I know. What kind of response was I expecting? Such comments make people uncomfortable. So I can’t really blame her for her response. It was what she came up with at the time. But I was crushed. It triggered me, and badly. I began ruminating…Maybe she’s right. I have NO control. Only I got myself this fat. I should be DOING something. Why am I not DOING something? What the hell am I thinking with all this “intuitive eating” stuff? She’s right, it can never work. I’ll be fat forever. I hate myself, I hate myself…
Then, although this was technically nowhere near a typical binge for me, I had two bowls of pasta salad and a king-size Hershey’s chocolate bar.
Naturally I felt like pure ca-ca this morning about myself. I weighed anyway…and to my surprise, I hadn’t gained a pound. I hadn’t lost any weight (see results below), but I hadn’t gained any weight either.
Considering that a typical binge for me has me up three pounds the following day (weight of the food/water weight), I was pretty damned amazed.
So here we go…
Weight Results: Week One of Intuitive Eating
I started off the week at 212 and I was 211.6 this morning. Obviously I don’t consider that a real loss. But I do know that if/when loss comes, it will be verrrrrrrrry slow this way. I am proud of myself for staying the same my very first week of intuitive eating, although I know technically it’s counterproductive to be proud of weight (just as it’s counterproductive to hate oneself based on a gain).
All in all: not a bad learning week. On to Week Two and hopefully, a bunch of happy, mindful, nutritious eating that my body loves.