Still Not Quite Getting It

I know I’m still not quite getting this, and it’s bothering me.

I know I’m overeating at meals. Not binging, certainly, but I’m eating past the initial feeling of fullness. I still worry: what if I don’t have it now? What if I never get to have it again? It’s dinner time – if I don’t have this dessert today, it will be a whole other day before I can have it. How can I possibly wait that long? And why should I, dammit? When I think about not having that dessert, and the entire night in front of me, I just feel an odd sense of loneliness.

And…an inner part of me is rebelling against not overeating. I know I have to explore that further. I don’t know yet quite what this means.

One other thing. To my shame, I’m still weighing. No gain so far, and really, no loss either. And I’m frustrated by that. I am still afraid to let go of weighing. I’m still afraid that if I do, I’ll just balloon up to 250 pounds.

I’d love any thoughts, if you’d like to share.

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